This smarty-pants thought came out as I was
reading The Hours by Michael Cunningham. There were three main characters
there. If we take a look closer to the characters, most of them depict the
illustration of “the problem that has no name”, a theory of Feminine Mystique
from Betty Friedan. It is said that woman has a tendency to be insecure of her
life when she can not express her self. It is a strange stirring, a sense of
dissatisfaction, a yearning that woman frequently suffers. It brings up the
silent question of “is that all?” It is vividly appeared on Laura Brown who
could not bear living as “only” a house wife, made bed, prepared for meal,
cooked, gave goodbye kiss as her husband
went for work, laid beside her husband in the night. She wanted more than that.
As for Virginia Woolf, although she had her peaceful and beautiful husband and
family, she still didn’t fit in among them. She needed more. There was
something wrong with that life and she just felt that she didn't belong in that common
suburb life. The need of fulfilling existence as an equal human being mattered
in this case. Currently speaking, there are still some women who have that kind
of problem. They feel being limited by the title of “a wife” or “a mother” or
even “a woman” that stereotypically are placed among those domestic chores and
not the other else jobs. They are trapped on their own life. However, since the
society fits the perception, then it is hard for them to share, to express the
problem. They think that if they do so, they would be considered a "misfit" in society. Hence, they ignore the voice of dissatisfaction, press it deeper, try so hard
to diminish the feeling, then depression and frustration emerge. It is also believed "the problem that has no name" frequently makes woman becoming irrationally frustrated. They get easily bothered then they yell because of something unintelligible.
Because of
that novel, I wonder why some moms and wives so much easily get irritated. You
know, the moment when you feel your mom is so super irritating. She is just
like screaming out loud on everything she considers wrong or improper and it is
usually because of you. She yells without reasons and all. Sometimes I wonder,
is it true that even my mom experiences that problem? because she presses the
feeling and doesn’t want to bring it up? Since it would be considered a misfit
in a society when a woman, especially a mother, complaints about her life as a
mother with domestic responsibilities?
If it is
so, then it is so much unfortunate. Depression comes as a result of your silent
problems. Woman is somehow oppressed in this case. It is said that we, human
beings, have the same rights to life, and so do to speak. However, it seems
like it doesn’t apply in woman’s life. We barely have “the rights” to speak.
Even, it’s only to share our stories and problems. According to Feminine
Mystique theory, a woman will have a tendency to feel loss and depressed about
her own self, ask about her own rule in her own life. She understands that
there is something incomplete in her life but she doesn’t know what. That is
terrible. She thinks that there is nothing wrong with the domestic chores and
so on which are usually labeled as “woman’s job”. However, this perception
could not be true. Society, which is ruled in a patriarchy way, constructs this
discernment.
The reason
of dissatisfaction might be unrevealed until now. It could be anything.
Nevertheless, there is a possibility that we need the freedom of being equal.
We might want to have the same privilege as the man might have. Either it could
be education or career, it depends. One thing for sure, it is actually
heartbreaking knowing that we can speak yet in fact you can't.
Speaking of
the matter of expressing feeling, nowadays there are some women who are brave
and bold enough to share what they think and desire. Frequently, they choose to
struggle for their education and career more than raise a family and have kids.
They are usually considered “independent”. However, this “independent” woman is
still uncommon. People will give the strange looks for a career woman or
education-minded woman after all. Some women will survive, mostly won’t. The
pressure is somehow so unbearable, then it will make us to give in and try so
hard to be accustomed in the society, get married, have kids, deal with domestic
chores. Then the additional pressure will come as we don’t have any willingness
to be that “constructed lady”. Living life in a doubled pressure and
depression, that’s the upshot.
By this
writing, it doesn’t mean that I persuade other woman to think that it is
unfortunate and useless being a sweet obedient mother and wife. No. I, my self
actually desire to be one of wonderful mothers. I want become a mother and a
wife. I don’t mind. And I think that I will be that fulfilled. However, the
point is that as a woman, we have to be able to express what we feel and hope
and think and desire. If your passion is on your education or career or
whatever it would be, then fight for it. As it is related to the relationship,
it is better for you to negotiate your own thought and decision about your life
plan to the man you will live together with. To speak is the most important
thing as a human, so is for woman. The figure of femininity, like fragile,
oppressed, and subordinated, does no longer represent women in general. When we
are able to convey our own thoughts and feeling, then the depression might
somehow be decreased.
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