Surat Untuk Gadis

Hai Gadis,

Apa kabar? Sudah lama tak jumpa dan mengobrol seperti biasa. Lama sekali. Waktu sungguh cepat berlalu, ia tak lagi merangkak seperti masa muda dulu. Ia sekarang lebih kekar dan lincah, sudah mampu melaju pesat, berlari tanpa tengok kanan kiri.

Apa kabar, Gadis? Rindu rasanya tak berbincang. Membahas hal hal sepele yang seenak jidat masuk kuping kanan keluar kuping kiri. Mencibir kejadian yang sebenarnya lumrah mampir di pagi hari. Mencaci siang karena panas nya matahari. Mengutuk malam yang selalu datang bersamaan gelap. Atau menerawang bodoh tentang masa depan. Apa dan jadi apa. Mengapa dan jawabannya. Tak perlu ada fakta. Tak perlu serius. Karena hidup adalah apa adanya.

Hidup di sini cukup berbeda, Gadis. Tak tahu bagaimana hidup mu di sana. Di sini, semua berlarian, semua berkejaran. Dengan orang lain, diri sendiri, dan waktu. Iya. Waktu yang semakin dewasa. Semua nya berkompetisi. Tinggal saya di sini yang mulai kebingungan. Tertatih tatih mencari celah. Ingin sekali rasanya saya juga ikut berlari. Berlari mengejar atau berlari menginggalkan mereka. Rasanya mereka tak pernah berhenti, Dis. Ada yang pernah bilang bahwa sebaik-baiknya manusia adalah yang selalu jalan—berlari—ke depan. Tanpa menoleh ke belakang. Lurus. Fokus. Apa iya, Dis? Apa benar? Saya pernah kali melakukan nya, terus lurus ke depan. Tapi mungkin pertanyaannya, apa saya benar benar lurus fokus? Atau sebenarnya saya tidak berlari seperti mereka namun saya hanya berjalan? Berjalan melewati hari? Apa saya salah berjalan dan tidak berlari seperti yang lain? kenapa saya merasa bersalah karena tidak ikut berlari?

Saya mulai letih, Gadis. Entah karena saya letih untuk berlari lagi atau saya mulai letih berjalan kaki.

Begitulah, Dis. Sekarang kehidupan mulai lain, ya? Hidup bukan lagi sekedarnya. Banyak yang bilang hidup itu harus bermakna. Yang mana sih yang bermakna? Sampai sekarang saya pun masih belum tahu jawabannya. Masih belum paham. Mungkin ini sebabnya saya rindu kamu, Gadis. Kapan lagi kita berbincang?

karena pagi telah datang dari sepi
menyibak hari dengan terang tak bertepi
siap menari dan merona

terang tak bertepi merasuk diri
sisi ruang batin yang hampa merindu pagi
mewujudkan keinginan untuk kembali berlari

kembali berlari bukan menghindar
mencari jejak yang berharap
dengan setitik embun dan senyum
mengejar harap yang kau tenun

embun dan senyum berkait berpadu
menciptakan kebahagiaan di bawah mentari
menyanjung dengan selamat pagi
karena pagi telah datang dari sepi

aku cinta kamu, peri pagiku.

(A)

Warrior of light

frequently ask themselves 

what they are doing here.

Very often they believe

their lives have no meaning.

That is why they are warriors of light.

Because they make mistake.

Because they ask questions.

Because they continue

to look for a meaning.

And, in the end, they will find it.

--Paulo Coelho, The Manual of The Warrior of Light--

I'm not the brightest, nor the effortful person.

But Allah listens.

I'm simply a dreamer who even sometimes doesn't know what to aim.

But Allah listens.

And somehow the universe conspire, help me to where I should be.

Thank you, Universe.

Praise to Allah.

Silence Day In Crowded Cheers

SILENCE DAY IN CROWDED CHEERS

By Ayu Sandiningtias (1006765324)

Silang Monas Jakarta, in the heat of the sun, in the middle of helter-skelter people, among the colourful flags, costumes, and accessories, around the noise of not only cheering people but also the traditional music, and the rowdy vehicles, it felt like ‘silence’ was not the suitable word to describe Silence Day.

The noise came from Ogoh-Ogoh Parade which was held at Silang Monas, Jakarta, on Monday, March 11 2012, one day before Silence Day. Actually, Ogoh-Ogoh Parade was one of the sequences of Silence Day’s celebration. Before this, there was Melasti. The Hindus prepared themselves for Silence Day by cleaning all of the prayer equipments. The cleaning of those equipments represented the cleansing of their soul, preparing themselves to be a more brand-new and better person. Then after that, The Ogoh-Ogoh Parade was held. Generally, this carnival was held in Bali, yet now, it was on Monas, Jakarta. According to Mr. Wayan, the elder of Pura Setia Loka, “Ogoh-Ogoh parade was usually called by Tawur Kesanga or Tawur Agung. It was held in order to clean the world from any disasters or catastrophes. The catastrophes were symbolized by the giant Ogoh-ogohs.” The Ogoh-ogohs were made in monster-look-like shapes. They were like having the long and extendable tongues out, the big, bulging, glaring eyes, and also the threatening expressions. Some of them held weapons on their hands.  Ogoh-ogohs were basically gigantic puppets, made from weaved bamboo. However, at Monas Ogoh-Ogoh Parade, most of the Ogoh-ogoh were made from styrofoam.  “It’s too heavy and expensive to build a bamboo-made Ogoh-ogoh,” a local Ogoh-Ogoh Parade visitor said.

The Ogoh-Ogoh, as the symbol of Bata Kala, the jeopardy of the world, was made in order to be burnt later. It emphasized that the Bata Kala had been vanished from the world and was unable to disturb the peaceful earth. There were about hundreds people there, living up the parade, walking, laughing, taking pictures, even dancing. Although the heat of the sun was inevitable, it felt like, smiles could not be evaporated away from people’s faces. As the Ogoh-ogohs were burnt, they were all cheering.  “We are happy to see the Ogoh-ogoh are burnt. We are so relieved. Even tough we know they are only the symbol of harm, we just believe that God will protect us from Bata Kala,” said Widya, a visitor of Ogoh-Ogoh Parade.

Not only the Ogoh-Ogoh burning which was there, but some of dances also were being the part of Tawur Kesanga. There were a lot of dances, like Pendet Dance, Cendrawasih Dance, and also Rejang Dance. The dances were dominated by colourful costumes, noisy sounds from the Gamelan, and also the applauses “Basically, all of the dances were the presents for God. This is how we say ‘thank you’ and delivers our gratefulness to the earth,” said Cinde, while watching the Rejang Dance, “This dance is dominated by young girls because they are considered as the symbol of gratefulness to God.” Cinde, who is also a Balinese dancer, had her own perspective about Silence Day.

”All people only know that we (the Hindus) are only staying at home, doing nothing while we are celebrating Silence Day. Actually, it is more than that. We go to Pure (the Hindus’ praying building) together with our family and relatives, do sembahyang, even there is the Ogoh-Ogoh Parade like this. And then, there is Ngembak Geni, a gathering activity after we did Catur Brata (which means no light, no noise, no activity, and no entertainment) on Silence Day. Although it is true that we do Catur Brata in Silence Day, actually we are having dialogue with God. Thus, interaction and dialog are always there, on the commemoration of Silence Day.”

Hence, what do usually people think about Silence Day? The feast of the Hindus? The day when the Hindus just remain in silence and do nothing? Even if it is true that they commemorate Silence Day in calm and tranquility, actually it has its own joy and cheers in what people see as the silence.

**This was an assignment of Journalistic Class in 2012. I miss this class a lot and also my super awsome lecturer.

 

Belajar, Ujian, Tes, dan...ah sudahlah...

Learning is interesting-almost-exciting. Taking exams is not.

Hal itu yang terlintas ga lama aja dari saya mencoba untuk posting tulisan ini. Kenapa saya tiba tiba kesurupan ngepost hal hal yang berbau belajar, karena saya emang lagi ada di fase yang muak banget buat belajar. Hari ini ujan terus seharian, besok saya ujian mid term susulan, dan bukannya belajar (baca: menghafal materi) buat UTS, saya malah terjebak pada dunia maya,berjam jam keasikan ngescroll timeline salah satu akun jurnalis yang baru aja saya termuin secara ga sengaja, baca beberapa bab dari kumpulan jurnal yang sama sekali ga ada hubungannya sama materi ujian saya besok.

Emang udah tipikal saya buat gampang ke-distract sama hal lain. So nirma-ish.

Emang udah dari lama ini saya sering kali mikir, kenapa sih mesti ada ujian? Kenapa ya? Ya buat ngukur kemampuan lah nir, namanya juga lagi kuliah. Ya mau ga mau. Tapi bener deh, saya mendambakan kehidupan yang kalo bisa, kita bebas belajar apapun yang kita mau, baca bergunung gunung buku yang kita tertarik banget, diskusi berjam jam berhari hari isu yang kita kepoin, observasi hal hal yang emang udah diujung kepala pengen banget kita temuin jawabannya, tanpa ada ujian. TANPA ADA UJIAN. Muluk? Emang. Kalo ga muluk, pasti udah bisa dijadiin sistem pendidikan di Indonesia kali deh. Makanya saya juga Cuma bisa bacot doang di blog. Sori deh, anak nya emang bukan tipe penggerak, tapi emang pen-dumel ulung doang. Mohon maaf ya, Bung Karno Bung Hatta, dan kawan kawan pahlawan.

Tapi bener deh, saya bukan nya sok sok intelek atau gimana ya, saya juga anak nya ga pinter pinter amat, dan ga suka suka amat belajar—kalo belajar diidentikan dengan baca teksbook kuliah dan belajar seharian rutin buat ujian. Tapi saya suka belajar. Definisi belajar saya itu ya tadi: baca buku seenak enaknya saya suka, diskusi kanan kiri dari orang yang lebih pinter, scrolling akun orang-orang yang punya banyak pandangan tentang isu isu yang beredar, baca blog blog dengan perspektif warna warni, atau bolak balik portal berita buat lihat tek-tok isu yang beredar udah ada di level apa. Dan yang penting, GA PAKE UJIAN.

Bukannya saya sentimen sama ujian dan bener bener anti-ujian. Enggak kok, cuma tadi setelah saya abis baca jurnal perempuan, terus ngerasa pusing sendiri karena baca tiduran, ga pake kacamata lagi, saya memutuskan untuk berhenti sejenak. Berdiri. Atur nafas. Minum air segelas. Memejamkan mata beberapa detik, terus buka mata. Eeeeehh, pas lagi buka mata, materi ujian marketing communication saya nongol di depan mata, semacem ngambek, unjuk rasa, “Gile lu yeh nir, besok nih gue yang bakal muncul di soal ujian, bukan jurnal perempuan! Lo mau nganggurin gue aja gitu?”

Terus saya mikir. Kaya nya saya lebih eager buat belajar ketika saya tahu bakal ga ada ujiannya. Biasanya saya jadi jauh lebih kepo dan input nya pun banyak. Tapi, yaaa saya juga mikir. Saya males belajar karena ujian, apa sebenernya karena saya takut sama hasil ujiannya nanti? Ketika saya sudah usaha semaksimal yang saya bisa tapi ternyata hasil ga berbanding lurus sama usaha? Gitu alesannya? Karena saya takut kecewa sama diri sendiri? Makanya saya lebih suka jalan aman buat belajar semau saya, sejauh yang saya suka dan pengen, tanpa harus diuji? atau karena emang saya nya aja yang ga mau repot keluar dari zona aman menyenangkan ga ada beban?

Ga ngerti. Ga paham. Yang jelas, saya masih ga pengen belajar buat ujian atau ngerjain tugas yang lain, dan mau lanjut baca yang lain. Keburu teh manis anget saya jadi dingin.

Blah Blah Blah

Lately I feel like ive been drowning. I don’t feel like I am in the right place. It is silly because actually I am in the position that I used to crave for. Yeah it is because while I am in my place now, I have to do a lot of demanding things which I consider as not-my-passion things.  At first, I moan a lot and cry a lot and moan a lot and whine a lot and cry a lot. Pretty lame, eh? But it happened.  I hate it so much when I have to do something that I don’t like, something that make me feel like “ I don’t understand what I don’t understand”. It is so frustrating, and as the result, Ive got some bad marks for those excessively exhausting and frustrating efforts. And because of that, I feel terrible and start to cry and moan and cry and moan and cry and cry. This sorta thing makes me feel so dumb and stupid. And I hate being dumb and stupid.

Not so many days ago, I tried not to repeat the same pattern; moan and cry and cry and whine. I tried to be stronger and tougher—yeah that is somewhat they called motivation. I stopped crying and start doing my thing as best as I could. I managed my time; I finished my work one step at a time. and yes, I didn’t cry at all. Done it smoothly. I considered it as my accomplishment since I was not like what I used to be. However, when the result comes, its till not as good as I expected. It is still not even average score for me. I feel sad and once again, stupid. I hate it so much. I wonder sometimes, why is it always like this? I mean like, I have done my best yet why there is no any kind of improvement in terms of the score. I don’t know. Is that because I don’t like to do the thing so the result is just like what Ive got? I know it is not even an excuse to blame on the assignment which I don’t like, yet I don’t know. By the time I post this, I don’t know what I feel. Its all mixed up. The disappointment, the misery, the blah blah and blah.

Ive never felt this depressed before. It is frustrating to know the fact that you’ve already done your best yet still got nothing. I know, as Paulo Coelho said that I might have lost some major battles, yet im still here, and I survived. That’s the only thing I have now to make me not to cry. But yeah, I am still not sure what it will be whether to be still survive from today’s major battle or not.