"When you just can't explain the thing, then you just hold, remain in silent, and exhale."

The Hours--A Thought of A Smarty-Pants (2)

This smarty-pants thought came out as I was reading The Hours by Michael Cunningham. There were three main characters there. If we take a look closer to the characters, most of them depict the illustration of “the problem that has no name”, a theory of Feminine Mystique from Betty Friedan. It is said that woman has a tendency to be insecure of her life when she can not express her self. It is a strange stirring, a sense of dissatisfaction, a yearning that woman frequently suffers. It brings up the silent question of “is that all?” It is vividly appeared on Laura Brown who could not bear living as “only” a house wife, made bed, prepared for meal, cooked, gave goodbye kiss  as her husband went for work, laid beside her husband in the night. She wanted more than that. As for Virginia Woolf, although she had her peaceful and beautiful husband and family, she still didn’t fit in among them. She needed more. There was something wrong with that life and she just felt that she didn't belong in that common suburb life. The need of fulfilling existence as an equal human being mattered in this case. Currently speaking, there are still some women who have that kind of problem. They feel being limited by the title of “a wife” or “a mother” or even “a woman” that stereotypically are placed among those domestic chores and not the other else jobs. They are trapped on their own life. However, since the society fits the perception, then it is hard for them to share, to express the problem. They  think that if they do so, they would be considered a "misfit" in society. Hence, they ignore the voice of dissatisfaction, press it deeper, try so hard to diminish the feeling, then depression and frustration emerge. It is also believed "the problem that has no name" frequently makes woman becoming irrationally frustrated. They get easily bothered then they yell because of something unintelligible.

            Because of that novel, I wonder why some moms and wives so much easily get irritated. You know, the moment when you feel your mom is so super irritating. She is just like screaming out loud on everything she considers wrong or improper and it is usually because of you. She yells without reasons and all. Sometimes I wonder, is it true that even my mom experiences that problem? because she presses the feeling and doesn’t want to bring it up? Since it would be considered a misfit in a society when a woman, especially a mother, complaints about her life as a mother with domestic responsibilities?

            If it is so, then it is so much unfortunate. Depression comes as a result of your silent problems. Woman is somehow oppressed in this case. It is said that we, human beings, have the same rights to life, and so do to speak. However, it seems like it doesn’t apply in woman’s life. We barely have “the rights” to speak. Even, it’s only to share our stories and problems. According to Feminine Mystique theory, a woman will have a tendency to feel loss and depressed about her own self, ask about her own rule in her own life. She understands that there is something incomplete in her life but she doesn’t know what. That is terrible. She thinks that there is nothing wrong with the domestic chores and so on which are usually labeled as “woman’s job”. However, this perception could not be true. Society, which is ruled in a patriarchy way, constructs this discernment.

            The reason of dissatisfaction might be unrevealed until now. It could be anything. Nevertheless, there is a possibility that we need the freedom of being equal. We might want to have the same privilege as the man might have. Either it could be education or career, it depends. One thing for sure, it is actually heartbreaking knowing that we can speak yet in fact you can't.

            Speaking of the matter of expressing feeling, nowadays there are some women who are brave and bold enough to share what they think and desire. Frequently, they choose to struggle for their education and career more than raise a family and have kids. They are usually considered “independent”. However, this “independent” woman is still uncommon. People will give the strange looks for a career woman or education-minded woman after all. Some women will survive, mostly won’t. The pressure is somehow so unbearable, then it will make us to give in and try so hard to be accustomed in the society, get married, have kids, deal with domestic chores. Then the additional pressure will come as we don’t have any willingness to be that “constructed lady”. Living life in a doubled pressure and depression, that’s the upshot. 

            By this writing, it doesn’t mean that I persuade other woman to think that it is unfortunate and useless being a sweet obedient mother and wife. No. I, my self actually desire to be one of wonderful mothers. I want become a mother and a wife. I don’t mind. And I think that I will be that fulfilled. However, the point is that as a woman, we have to be able to express what we feel and hope and think and desire. If your passion is on your education or career or whatever it would be, then fight for it. As it is related to the relationship, it is better for you to negotiate your own thought and decision about your life plan to the man you will live together with. To speak is the most important thing as a human, so is for woman. The figure of femininity, like fragile, oppressed, and subordinated, does no longer represent women in general. When we are able to convey our own thoughts and feeling, then the depression might somehow be decreased. 

             

The Hours--A Thought of A Smarty-Pants (1)

The Hours

by Michael Cunningham

Demanding perfection brings depression. This is what was implied in The Hours, a novel written by Michael Cunningham. The characters, which were women, in this novel seemed to have inner problems which were related to their own life. They refused to live in their own life. Each of these women made a great effort to find their appropriate life as they desired to be; however, unfortunately, depression came out as the result. Sometimes, this is what will happen to all people who only concern about what is wrong in their live. Generally speaking, people nowadays are much alike that.

When people consider their life as something they don’t want, there is a tendency for them to feel uncomfortable and alienated from their own life. Worse, sometimes they force themselves to make the perfect life possible, as much similar as they imagine. They really want lo live the perfect world as in their perception. Nevertheless, when they think only about the perfection, they will have the unsatisfactory feeling, time by time. As in the novel, this condition appeared in Virgina Woolf, she always felt that she didn’t belong living in the suburb of London. She found out that living there was psychologically painful. It was stressful and could not make her condition better in any kinds of ways, considering that she had a mental illness. Clarissa Vaughn, a woman who dedicated her life to take care of Richard, the sick man. She couldn’t accept the reality that Richard could be died. Even tough, Richard him self had already accept the possibility. Laura Brown, a housewife who lived in Los Angeles, seemed to consider her life as a mother of two children wearisome.

Those representative cases can be found in reality as well. Unfortunately, the result of misleading mid set of life is, as it’s mentioned previously, depression. When people keep continuing to do so, it will intoxicate their mind about life. They will obsessively try to make it right as it should have been. They will assume that their life is worthless, mistaken, and meaningless. Worse, there is a possibility for them to find an instantaneous exit to be free from their problems. As in the novel, Virginia chose to suicide for she didn’t stand living her life in order to life in her imaginary peaceful world she desired. Laura Brown, she abandoned her family. However, only Clarissa picked the most logical option to solve her problems. She tried to understand the imperfection of life by listening to Laura Brown’s experience.

Incompleteness and comfortless are common in life. There is no such thing as a perfect world. Other wise, life is imperfectly beautiful. Life will always have two sides, the good and the bad. Synchronizing both sides is somehow essential. As written in the novel, “you can not find peace by avoiding life”. Appreciate life, then you are fulfilled. 

Kepada yang Belajar Tahu Malu

Kepada yang Belajar Tahu Malu,

Ada sesuatu yang memang seharusnya tak sering. Lalu, menghela lah. Karena segala nya tak perlu terlalu. Maka jika sesaat mengusik, bertahanlah. Karena semuanya ada gunanya. Apalagi memang terdapat percakapan dahulu. Semuanya tak perlu terlalu. Memang kala itu terkesan hanya lalu, namun kali ini saatnya tahu malu. Bungkam saja, karena yang terlalu menyulut bahaya. Di masa depan, kata nya. Yasudah, apa boleh dikata. Diam saja, walau terhenyak jadi gantinya. Ini nama nya belajar, belajar menahan, belajar mengandalikan. Daripada jadi alasan perkara di masa depan. Namanya juga belajar. Ya pasti susah susah dulu. Namanya juga belajar tahu malu. Ya pasti harus pintar pintar sabar sabar. Ya juga jangan harap yang lain tahu. Karena ini namanya belajar tahu malu. Harus tenang. Harus elegan. Kalau nanti dipertengahan terasa sesak, wajar saja. Menghela saja. Nanti juga hilang sendiri. Sabar saja. Kalau sudah tahu malu, pasti sudah terbiasa.

Semoga cepat tahu malu.

Sadar

Terkadang biarkan saja apa yang kau suka bertahan pada biasa. Tak usah teralu dibuat ramai tak usah disengaja hebat tak usah dirangkai pujian. Hanya hal mu dan dirimu. Menjadi ruang lapang untuk bernafas. Lepas dari himpit. Merdeka dari sempit.

Sadar.

Terkadang memang menghujam tiap burung berkicau bawa berita dari seberang, tapi ada baiknya jika kau hanya dengarkan., hanya dengarkan. Hanya dengarkan. Cukup mengangguk, itu pun jika perlu. Tak usah berkutat jauh pada irama suasana, riuh rendah suara, atau paling berbahaya larut dalam selisik pikiranmu. Awas. Karena pada dasarnya, hembusan palung pikiran adalah racun penyebab bala. 

Sadar. 

Cukup buka hati. Ingat, tiap detak miliki hidupnya sendiri, begitupula kau. Tuhan sudah berkehendak. Tak pada yang perlu dirisaukan. Karena risau hanya mereka yang punya. Kau hanya tinggal berjalan. 
Berjalan.
Sadar.

Have you ever felt that the space is getting smaller and you just don’t know what to do? All you know is just you just need to scream out loud with no one can hear it, for you know it is the sign of your flaw, then you tend not to show so. However, things would become so much more irritating if you just can “bare your soul”. Hence, you just hold your tongue, and breathe. Inhaling and exhaling. Hope that your body and your mind speak more than your emotion, and lead it to the edge then be cast away somehow. Holding your emotion is helpful at times. You feel calm, but occasionally since you’re just holding it, there is a possibility that it’d be gone. It could be back somehow, with a greater tense. Your head is just scrambled. You can barely breathe. You have no control of your body, especially your mouth and your hands, and your feet. That holding tongue? Well, we’d be better not to mention it. It’s gone. This is what we called The Roller-coaster Effect. In my case, it does happen a lot. Like it or not, when it comes, I have to do all of my efforts to enlarge, expand, and swell the space. The space in mind. Inhaling, exhaling, or crying if it’s necessary. If it still doesn’t help. I’d better go, or cry, or write, or go, or sing, or scream, or—actually I still haven’t got the way how. Screw my self, I’d better be off. 

Tahanlah wahai waktu. Jaga detik ini biar tak berlari. Tak usah ada kejutan esok hari. Karena itu semua tak perlu lagi. Cukup kali ini.

Jika kau tak sengaja melangkah, mundurlah.

Kali ini kau tak usah tepat, waktu. Karena hanya sekarang yang diminta.

Ada sungging senyum di kanvas putih. Bukan jawaban. Bukan pertanyaan dan pernyataan. Hanya bayang terekam dan hela nafas panjang dari tiap debar teredam.

Jika kau berbatas, waktu. Hentikan saja disini. Tak usah kau buang peluh kesana.

Karena yang diminta kali ini.

Saat ini.