Bukan Saat Ini

Jika hati ini menggeram, meronta, tetap aku tak sanggup salahkan mu. Apa yang salah dari sebuah rasa? Kau tak pantas didera. Dan kali ini, berhenti saja. Cukup berhenti.

Tanpa koma setelahnya. Tak usah lagi kau bangun dari tempat tidur mu, bersuara merdu selamat pagi untuk ku. Sudah sekian lama kita tak berjumpa. Hati kita. Tak lagi cerminkan rindu. Rindu itu bisu. Terhenti di ujung pintu. Malam ini ku cukup kan. Biarkan kau melayang. Tak usah lagi kau berikan handuk panas setiap sore aku pulang. Dalam hati, diri ini berbisik. Kau bisa lebih dari itu. Tidur tenang. Nafas lapang. Bukan disini tempatmu, Sayang. Akan ada saatnya ketika mata mu membuka, sosok yang tiada pergi jauh bagi mu. Siang malam, pagi petang. Hanya saja, bukan kali ini. Bukan saat ini. 

The Hours--A Thought of A Smarty-Pants (1)

The Hours

by Michael Cunningham

Demanding perfection brings depression. This is what was implied in The Hours, a novel written by Michael Cunningham. The characters, which were women, in this novel seemed to have inner problems which were related to their own life. They refused to live in their own life. Each of these women made a great effort to find their appropriate life as they desired to be; however, unfortunately, depression came out as the result. Sometimes, this is what will happen to all people who only concern about what is wrong in their live. Generally speaking, people nowadays are much alike that.

When people consider their life as something they don’t want, there is a tendency for them to feel uncomfortable and alienated from their own life. Worse, sometimes they force themselves to make the perfect life possible, as much similar as they imagine. They really want lo live the perfect world as in their perception. Nevertheless, when they think only about the perfection, they will have the unsatisfactory feeling, time by time. As in the novel, this condition appeared in Virgina Woolf, she always felt that she didn’t belong living in the suburb of London. She found out that living there was psychologically painful. It was stressful and could not make her condition better in any kinds of ways, considering that she had a mental illness. Clarissa Vaughn, a woman who dedicated her life to take care of Richard, the sick man. She couldn’t accept the reality that Richard could be died. Even tough, Richard him self had already accept the possibility. Laura Brown, a housewife who lived in Los Angeles, seemed to consider her life as a mother of two children wearisome.

Those representative cases can be found in reality as well. Unfortunately, the result of misleading mid set of life is, as it’s mentioned previously, depression. When people keep continuing to do so, it will intoxicate their mind about life. They will obsessively try to make it right as it should have been. They will assume that their life is worthless, mistaken, and meaningless. Worse, there is a possibility for them to find an instantaneous exit to be free from their problems. As in the novel, Virginia chose to suicide for she didn’t stand living her life in order to life in her imaginary peaceful world she desired. Laura Brown, she abandoned her family. However, only Clarissa picked the most logical option to solve her problems. She tried to understand the imperfection of life by listening to Laura Brown’s experience.

Incompleteness and comfortless are common in life. There is no such thing as a perfect world. Other wise, life is imperfectly beautiful. Life will always have two sides, the good and the bad. Synchronizing both sides is somehow essential. As written in the novel, “you can not find peace by avoiding life”. Appreciate life, then you are fulfilled. 

Hand Sanitizer: The New Precious Jewels

Well, this time, I would like to be such a smarty-pants. I am going to discuss about something which sorta makes me pay attention to. I want to apologize in advance if this writing is kinda too subjective or else, but for sure, I mean no harm. I am just slobbering around. So, now the topic is about a small stuff, literally. Have you ever noticed these days people like to hang something eye-catchy at their backpacks or handbags? Do you notice that little eye-catchy bottle hanging there? Those little colorfully eye-burning items are hand sanitizers! Can you believe it? I bet you do since you must have seen them everywhere nowadays, at campus, malls, restaurants, café, office, or even you have one of them. Those fancy hand sanitizer are sorta popular these days. So actually, what is interesting on them until they become such must-have item?

Those fancy little hand sanitizer is named “Bath and Body Works Pocketbac” hand sanitizers. They are quite fancy since they have so many various unique scents, for instance Japanese Cherry Blossoms, Lemon Sugar Frizz, Warm Vanilla, Dancing Water, Creamy Pumpkin, Golden Dust, even they have Rain Scented, how startling, eh? This unintelligibly various fragrance makes people curious enough to buy and try it even though the price is not that affordable. I mean, you have to spend around 60.000 until 150.000 rupiahs to get one of those fancy hand sanitizers. It is quite expensive for a hand sanitizer, I suppose. Nevertheless, this kind of cute little sweet-scented item becomes celebrity. It is like people are fancing them. It is becoming the item people fond of. I wonder why people still eager to buy them although, in my own perspective, the price is not reasonable for a hand sanitizer since we know that there are still a lot of hand sanitizers out there which you can get even only by spending less than 10.000 rupiahs. Is that necessary to do? Is true that they do that for the sake of their sanitary needs? Or is there any hidden motivation behind that consuming product?

            Nowadays, buying and consuming something has more expanded meaning for people. The purpose is not only for fulfilling needs but also for particular aims, for instance prestige. According to Jean Baudrillard, at this postmodern society, consuming products is similar to consuming symbol and image. For this case, I don’t think that buying a 150.000 rupiah hand sanitizer is a needs, it is more than that. It could be for prestige. You “buy” and “consume” the prestige and pride due to your capability of buying so rather than really “consuming” the sanitary and cleanliness which are the main purposes of a hand sanitizer. The logic becomes like this, if you really need a hand sanitizer for the sake of your sanitary, why do you have to buy such an expensive one while there are still a lot of them which are more affordable and more bacteria-disinfectant? Therefore, it cannot be blamed if we predict that there is concealed reason of purchasing those expensive hand sanitizers, and prestige might be the one.

            Talking about prestige, I suppose it has to be shown off, something visible, something that people will aware and notice about. Since we are talking about the hand sanitizer, I wonder, are they noticeable enough for people? The answer is “yes, absolutely.” Do you remember where the owner put them? Inside the bag? Of course no. They hang them at the zipper hold or at the outside part of the bag. As I have mentioned before, even it has its own holder. And the holders are so much colourful and eye-catchy. Not only the eye-catchy colours, but the shapes are also so cute and funny. This kind of thing has to have purpose. In my humble opinion, it is made for getting people’s attention. This hand sanitizer turns to be jewelry, something that you can show to your friends and be proud of it. That you can afford a 150.000 rupiah hand sanitizer could be a sensible reason to label your self as “classy” or something I’m not really sure about, yet generally it surely have a relation to pride. In addition, the brand of the product itself, “Bath and Bodyworks” might be already considered as the brand for upper middle class people, not many people can afford all of their product. Related to the consumers, most of the buyers of this product are no longer those who are considered the upper middle class people. They are expanding. Nowadays, working class or middle class people attempt to afford them. It might be because they want to be considered equal to the upper class. They want that kind of label. This evidence quite supports the assumption that prestige and pride are the purpose of this fancy hand sanitizer phenomenon.

            Consumerism is all around us. People nowadays compulsively buy something that they should have not to. People tend to buy a lot of stuffs not for their needs, but to other else reasons. It might be prestige, image, self-branding, identity, self-recognition, or anything. It is not always clear who is to blame, yet for sure, nowadays, consuming is labelling.

Hijabers: Potrait of Consumerist Moslem Women

“Duh, itu apa sih kepala kok dililit-lilit?”

”Ini di-gimana-in pake nya? kok bisa gini?”

”Itu jilbab ya mbo yang rapi-rapi aja, pake jilbab sampe dua tiga lapis sekaligus gitu...”

Have you ever said those statements when you saw a young moslem girl using such an extraordinary model of veil? Or unintentionally have heard someone said so? I guess, realize it or not, we have ever experienced it. It is because the usage of hijab is now in trend. It is phenomenal. Not only in particular formal occasion, the “out of the box” and eccentric way of hijab use is also worn in campus and even in hangout places, such as malls and cafes.  Hijaber Moslem girls, whom most of them are youngster, are extremely creative on hijab and modification of headscarf. The models of the hijab are also incredibly various from the simplest one until the most complicated and surprising one which can be so much astonishing, and make you frowning then ask or say previous statements above.

HIJABS

JILBABS

Actually, what is exactly the difference between hijab and jilbab? Many people which I have already asked about did not notice the difference. However, some of my friends who are the members of Hijabers Community, a community which is keen on fashion for Moslem women, could answer it short, simple, yet clear. For them, there is a distinct difference between hijab and jilbab. Jilbab is usually considered as “jilbab segitiga” which is ordinarily used by most of Moslem women. Meanwhile, hijab is a headscarf of veil which has been modified and added with some accessories.  “It is sorta winding headscarf,” one of them said boldly.

What makes hijab being so much fond of? This hijab phenomenon is triggered by technology and information. Hana Tajima, a English fashion designer, popularized it. She liked to upload the trendy and uniquely fashionable hijab tutorial on YouTube. From there, a lot of Moslem girls started to follow the new way of using hijab. Not only international designers or public figures, in Indonesia, local designers and celebrities began to show their existence in using hijab, for instance Dian Pelangi, Puput Melati, and so on. The new use of hijab was also expanding when Ramadhan tv serial or sinetron ramadhan was just like competing each other to show the use of hijab on their female casts. Sinetron made hijab which was considered unfamiliar and global, became much more familiar and local. This made hijabers not only comes from upper middle class people who can easily update hijab style development trough internet, but it is expanded to larger scale of class.

Everyone wants recognition or affirmation within ourselves or from other people, and do the Moslem women. We can not deny that each of women wants to be considered beautiful and gorgeous. As for postmodern, beauty is a diverse product, and the most eccentric, dysfunctional, outrageous is the most beautiful one, as long it is the disparity of something that has not been existed before. Before this hijabers phenomenon, the use of hijab or headscarf for Moslem women seemed boring and dull since there wasn’t any kind of variation in the way they wore it. Then, these extraordinary various hijab styles were appeared, giving the new energy and inspirations for those who wore hijabs. Those styles were ingeniously different yet eye-catching. They were considered more fashionable than the ordinary hijab or headscarf for Moslem women. Those eye-catching colour and out-of-box style of hijab can be put together with other up-to-date and trendy fashion items and dresses, not only Moslem wear like gamis, but the fashion items which we can usually see on the fashion magazines. That makes the new definition of “beauty” for Moslem women. According to Baudrillard, consuming product is similar to consuming symbols and image. This point is also related to the usage of hijab nowadays for Moslem women. Obviously, hijab will give them a higher value in term of beauty than other ordinary Moslem women who don’t wear that extraordinary hijab styles. Self branding as “up-to-date” “sophisticated”, and “chic” will be stitched on them. Those labels, clearly, give them prestige and pride on their society due to their capability of being fashionable and standing boldly different among other ordinary Moslem girls.

Desire to be differently fashionable is also depicted on the differences between hijab and jilbab.  Literally, hijab is the border cloth between man and woman in Moslem society. Hijab is actually a cloth to cover some forbidden body area in Islam (it is usually called Aurat). Hence, there is no difference between hijab and jilbab.  However, nowadays, there is a shifting on the definition. Frequently, hijab  is the term of veil of headscarf with extraordinary shapes. Hijab is differed for sake of identity and self-branding of the hijabers. They want to be considered and seen as “unique” and “different”.  

Example of Tausiah and Bazaar Event

Desire to be always fashionable has to be backed up with some brand-new and fresh fashion items. It gives a tendency for hijabes to buy the fashion items compulsively. As it has been said by Faurschou that postmodern people is the people who is triggered to create the endless desire of consuming.  Not only the hijab or the headscarfs, hijabes, frequently, buy some accessories as the complement of the hijab, for instance rings, bracelets, brooches, necklaces, headbands, and so on and so forth. They buy that not for the needs of covering their body parts as it is commanded in Moslem belief, yet it is only for their pleasure. A great number of online shops which sell some hijab and accessories become the indicator of this phenomenon.

Not only in shopping centre and online shops, the quran reading gathering (or pengajian in Indonesia) is also completed with bazaar section in it. the quran reading which is usually held by the hijaber community,  is not the way to listen on preach and the tausi’ah  anymore, but it is also the place for shopping! Ironic is the girls recurrently looking forward to the bazaar which provides them with promos and discounts much more than the tausi’ah  itself.    

This phenomenon shows there is a shifting of consuming meaning. Clothes, or hijab and accessories in this case, they are no longer functioned as the body (aurat) cover, but they are for identity matters and self-branding issue. Moslem women attempt to stick some particular labels on themselves through the use of hijab. The beautiful fashionable and up-to-date Moslem woman is the identity which might appear as the same time of the title of hijabers comes to them.

References:

Banard, Malcomn. 2011. Fashion Sebagai Komunikasi: Cara Mengomunikasikan Identitas Sosial, Seksual, Kelas dan Gender. Jalasutra: Yogyakarta

Soedjatmiko, Haryanto. 2008. Saya Berbelanja, Maka Saya Ada: Ketika Konsumsi dan Desain Menjadi Gaya HIdup Konsumeris. Jalasutra: Yogyakarta

Untuk Iqbal

Untuk Iqbal,

Kami rindu kamu, Bal

Sudah lama nian tak bersua

Menertawakan hal sederhana

Bersama tawa mu membahana

Maaf,

Kami belum sempat bertemu lagi

Tiap tahun, Bal

Sesungguhnya, kami menanti

Waktu kita kembali

Namun, sayang

Teralu banyak keegoisan atas nama prioritas

Mengalahkan silaturahmi

Maaf, Iqbal

Kami baru datang ke rumah mu,

Sekarang

Mengantarmu terakhir kalinya

Menghadap Sang Pencipta

Semoga kamu tenang disana, tetap tertawa,

Dengan siapapun, apapun, yang membuatmu

Bahagia

Januari 1, 2012

Kereta ekonomi. Cikini. Kontras. Semangkuk soto paru. Segelas McFloat. Pelajaran baru.

Kereta ekonomi: Sederhana. kotor. Jelata. Rakyat. Angin semilir. Pekerja. Pemulung. Peminta-minta. Pengamen. Seniman jalanan. Penjual asongan. Pekerja. Ibu-ibu rumahtangga. Mahasiswa. Peminta-minta. Umum. Hidup. Manusia.

Cikini: Jakarta. Kota. Malam. Lalu lalang. Kendaraan. Gelap. Gemerlap. daerah baru. Perasaan ingin tahu. Dunia baru. Keingintahuan. Hidup. Manusia.

Kontras: Pemuda. semangat. Inspirasi. Aspirasi. Jerat birokrat. Jerat hierarki. Anti-otoriterianisme. Demokrasi. Kebebasan.  Pancasila. Negara. Pemerintah. Orang hilang. Korban rezim. Kekerasan. Korban. Keluarga. Kepiluan. Kenangan. Peninggalan. Undang-undang.  Kekecewaan. Kemarahan. Keadilan. Penuntutan. Penuntasan. Gejolak. Amarah. Hidup. Manusia.

Soto paru: Paru gurih. Kerupuk garing. Kuah banjir. Tomat segar. Sambal pedas.  Nasi legit nan panas. Air putih segar. Hidup. Manusia.

"Laki-laki feminin": Beda. Berani.  Eksentrik. Eksis. Pilihan. Senyum. Tangis tertahan. Nyanyian. Tarian. Tata rias seadanya. Busana atraktif. Usaha. Perjalanan. Penolakan. Sinis. Tangguh. Bertahan. Hidup. Manusia.

Mcfloat: Segar. Manis. Menengah keatas. Metropolitan. Soda menyengat. Dingin menyekat. Hidup. Manusia.

Bergerak. Stagnan. Padat. Cair. Manis. Pahit. Baik. Buruk. Manusia. Hidup.

Maaf Lahir Batin, Hai Saya :)

Maaf dan memaafkan itu lumrah bagi setiap orang. Apalagi momen lebaran kaya gini. Pasti, cuma di mulut aja atau ga, si “minal aidin walfaidzin” itu selalu mampir di telinga atau mata kita. Bisa dari layar kaca gadget kita yang deres banget sama pesan-pesan singkat lebaran atau telfon dari kanan kiri, atau bahkan malah sepanjang jalan yang kita lewati pasti ada aja tulisan ”mohon maaf lahir batin” itu. Ga salah sih. Sah-sah aja, namanya juga suasana lebaran.

Kita sering kali mempersiapkan hati untuk memaafkan. Mempersiapkan diri untuk menjadi orang yang lebih ksatria. Menyiapkan hati yang lebih besar dan senyum yang lebih ikhlas. Membenahi sikap dalam balutan fitri. Untuk siapa? Untuk ibu, ayah, kakak, adik, sahabat, kekasih, kerabat. Untuk orang lain. Padahal ada orang yang sepantasnya kita maafkan terlebih dahulu. Jauh lebih penting bahkan dibandingkan saudara atau ibunda kita sekalipun. Orang yang sangat dekat dengan kita, namun sering kali luput dari perhatian kita.

Orang itu adalah diri kita sendiri.

Kebayang gak berapa kali dalam sehari kamu memikirkan diri kamu? Maksud saya, memperhatikan bagaimana keadaan tubuh atau pikiran kamu. Memperhatikan kondisi fisik dan batin kamu. Kebayakan dari kita, teralu sibuk mengejar target dunia. Fokus kerjaan, atau workaholic istilah kerennya. Bagus sih. Punya target dalam hidup itu bagus. Mengejar untuk mendapatkan apa yang kita inginkan juga sangat baik. Tapi, sering ga kita memperhatikan keadaan diri kita sendiri dalam pengejaran target hidup itu? Pernah ga kita lalai menjaga diri sendiri, misalnya kesehatan? Pernah ga mempertaruhkan kondisi diri sendiri atas nama ambisi hidup? Atau contoh gampang nya, pernah ga sakit gara-gara memforsir diri sendiri untuk pekerjaan?

Silahkan jawab sendiri pertanyaan barusan. Kalau ada saya boleh jawab sendiri sih, jawabannya SERING. Gara-gara diri saya sendiri, saya sakit fisik dan sakit hati. Saya sering membiarkan diri saya larut dalam kepenatan yang saya ciptakan sendiri. Saya sering teralu serakah kepada diri saya sendiri, menelantarkan kesehatan atas nama pekerjaan atau tugas. Saya sering mengacuhkan suara hati saya ketika dia menyerukan kata ”tidak!” atau ”berhenti!” ketika saya didera kesedihan lantas menagis tak karuan. Saya sering membiarkan diri saya terlarut dalam kepedihan yang semestinya bisa dihetikan oleh diri saya sendiri. Saya sering merajuk, merengek, mengeluh terhadap diri saya sendiri ketika hasil keadaan tidak seperti apa yang saya mau.

Teralu sering saya sombong terhadap diri saya sendiri. Merasa mampu padahal sebenarnya sakit. Merasa bisa padahal sebenarnya butuh bantuan. Saya ”ditampar” oleh salah satu sahabat saya yang tiba-tiba melontarkan kalimat:

”Yaudah sih, Nir. Mau sampe kapan lo nge-dzolimin diri lo sendiri?”

Pertanyan itu sungguh menyentak, menghentak, dan tertancap di benak saya sampai saat ini. Teralu sering saya mengutamakan ambisi dan arogansi diri dibandingkan menyadari batas kemampuan diri saya sendiri. Teralu sering saya berupaya hingga lupa bahwa diri saya berhak berhenti sejenak dan beristirahat. Teralu sering saya mengeluh, bukannya bersyukur atas apa yang telah saya capai. Teralu sering saya terbawa emosi. Teralu serinf saya mendzolimi diri sendiri.

Maka, karena itu lah saya menulis lampiran kalimat ini. Saya hanya ingin berbagi pendapat, bahwa sesungguhnya maafkan lah diri sendiri atas segala kesalahan yang telah dilakukan sebelumnya. Maafkan segala kesombongan yang dengan atau tanpa sengaja pernah terlontarkan. Jika pernah memiliki penyesalan terhadap kegagalan masa lalu, terima lah. Maafkan diri dahulu yang pernah khilaf sehingga kegagalan menyerta. Tak apa pernah menjadi seseorang yang tidak diharapkan oleh diri sendiri sebelumnya. Tak apa jika hati ini pedih, marah, kecewa terhadap apa yang pernah dirasakan sebelumnya. Maafkan lah segala perasaan buruk yang dahulu pernah hinggap di benak dan hati kita. Tak apa menjadi ”diri yang buruk” sebelumnya. Manusia tidak ada yang sempurna. Manusia adalah mahkluk pembelajar. Maafkan. Ikhlaskan.

 

Minal Aidin Walfaidzin, wahai Jiwa.

Mohon maaf lahir batin  :)

Akankah?

Akankah?

Apakah yang akan kau lakukan

Ketika kau tahu

Ajal menjemputmu saat mentari tenggelam

Akankah kau memohon maaf

Kepada mereka yang kau sakiti

Ibumu, ibumu, ibumu

Ayahmu, keluargamu

Kekasihmu, sahabatmu

Akankah kau berbuat baik

Kepada semua yang kau temui

Akankah kau mengingat

Tuhanmu

Apakah yang akan kau lakukan

Ketika semesta memilih

Untuk merahasiakan

Semuanya

Akankah kau berbuat demikian

"We Found Love in a Hopeless Place"

Well, yeah it was the line from Rihanna's song, yet actually it happened in 18 July 2012, on my experience to a nursing home in Jakarta.

Haha, easy, it's not me who in love with granny. It's just we literally found that "love" in that "hopeless" place. Let me mention the words.

First, This nursing home is called  Panti Werdha Budi Mulia 4. It is located near Pondok Indah Mall. Don't you imagine this building is as glamour as the mall I've mentioned before. Nope, it is not. It is just an ordinary, yet fair house to live in. There is nothing excessive. And I have to be honest that the place is kinda smelly. It is because most of the elderly pee in their room, they barely go to the lavatory to do the 'thing'. So yaaa, you know what happens :) Anyway, this nursing home is inhabited by more than 100 grannies, male and female. Sadly, it only has 2 nannies to take care of those 100 grannies. As we were there, we we were guided by the nursing home officers, her name was Ibu Farra, she told us that most of the elderly there, 80 % of them, were taken from the street. Unfortunately, about more than 70% of them came in depression. Generally, they got lost in this big complicated city,  Jakarta, and could not find their way home. Some of them came by their own will. For example, there was one of the granny who used to be a prostitute. I forget her name, but she was so warm, friendly and nice. She came to the nursing home for her own safety. It was so sad, knowing the condition. I wonder whether it was their family's fault for not keeping them safe or what. And I'm so sorry about that. That was quite obvious to define "hopeless" word, wasn't it? Yeah, I hope it was.

This is the bed room, 10-12 grannies sleep together in one room

Next, the second word. "Love" in here is love. The smile, the laughter, the dimples on faces, the toothless smiles, the blushes on cheeks. It's all sweet. I've never been simply happy before. You know what seeing people smiling gives enormous energy. Love is not always about a couple who fall in love and ready to be an item. No, it is way more than that. But, we will talk about that, later hahha. Anyway, in that nursing home, I feel home. As the grannies feel too, they feel home for they have a lot of friends to be shared. They said to me, keep talking with friends and doing things are the best way to live your life.

This is me with those beautiful grannies :) sweet haha

I talked to one granny, her name was Nenek Ida, if I'm not mistaken. Everyday, she made some cute little knitted crafts. She did so for she said that she needed to be more productive as much as she could. Some woman, eh? hahaha. I talked quite a lot with her. Interesting, she said that being in  a nursing home was not that bad like the people used to think. They were happy, as I said before. They feel comfortable with the place, even tough she said that not many people came to their place for visit. Hence, they were really glad to have us there.There were a lot of laughter and giggle when we were there, and I was happy for that because--it might seem simple--we made them laugh and felt so cared by us. It was a blessed. Nenek Ida said to me that actually, it was not our donation which they needed the most, yet the care was the most needed thing for them.

Nenek Ida and me, holding those cute little knitted crafts

Did I mention about love and being an item? Well yeah, this is the surprising thing within the nursing home. These grannies had a love life in there!!!! hahaha. Yep, they were having relationship, flirting each other, and even getting married! I'm not kidding about that haha. Ibu Farra told me that there were some couples in the nursing home. Even, there was an old man who was like Don Juan in that place. Yeah, some kind of player or women-eater!! It was like you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me moment when I heard the thing. I was kinda laughing out loud knowing the truth. It was just like bewilderingly unbelievable hahaha.

Well, I hope you can understand what I mean by "we found love in a hopeless place". Funny, it is because I've never imagined my self in a nursing home, having chit-chat with the elderly, sharing smile, laugh, and story. It was amazing. There are some notes that I take, after I went there. First, it is good to take care of people. To give them support, to share laughter and stories to them. It can make you think about the life and learn from it. Second, you should take care of your parents. I mean, those grannies don't want to be there, if they can choose. They positively want to be around their family, surrounded by the love of their sons and daughters. And last, it might be the lamest one, love can be found anywhere, to anyone. I mean, look at them, they are not young anymore, yet they still have a chance to love each other, found their mate, and live happily as they wish.

Once more, God is very funny, for always giving a lot of puzzling yet blissful way of life :)

Hai, Waktu

Hai waktu, bisa mengalah sebentar?

Saya butuh nafas.

Terengah – engah saya mengejar harapan dunia.

Hai waktu, bisa mengalah sebentar?

Saya butuh jeda.

Ruang dimana saya bebas untuk bergerak.

Hai waktu, bisa mengalah sebentar?

Saya perlu hidup.

Bukan hasil mimpi yang tersamarkan fantasi.

Hai waktu, bisa mengalahkah kau?

Untuk sejenak saya menutup mata,

Melepas penat jiwa raga.

Hai kawan manusia,

Bisakah kau berhenti?

Berhenti meracau?

Berhenti menyalahkan?

Berhenti mencaci keadaan?

Bernafaslah jika kau perlu

Karena udara adalah sekelilingmu.

Bergeraklah jika kau ingin

Karena dunia adalah ruang bagimu.

Kawan manusia,

Hidup adalah hidup.

Ketika kau bergerak, bernafas, dan berjarak atas sadarmu sendiri.

Pelajaran Dari Kereta

Pembelajaran itu bisa berasal darimana saja.
Kalimat itu mungkin paling tepat untuk menggambarkan cerita saya.

Saya dan pembelajaran baru tentang hidup.

Hari itu hujan deras, sangat deras.
Dan saya harus ke kampus.
Demi apapun di dunia ini,
Akan saya lakukan untuk tidak menggerakkan tubuh saya menuju kampus yang semestinya saya cintai itu.
Tapi, mengingat nominal yang harus dikeluarkan kakak dan orang tua saya demi masa depan itu,
Saya pun berangkat.

Selama perjalanan, saya menggerutu.

“Kenapa, sih pake ujan?”
“Kenapa, sih ada kuliah pengganti?”
“Kenapa, sih kosan jauh?”
“Kenapa ga panas aja, sih?”

“Gara-gara ujan nih, sepatu gw kotor.”
“Gara-gara ujan nih, baju gw lepek.”
“Gara-gara kuliah pengganti nih, gw jadi gbs pulang cepet.”

Terus saya berjalan sambil mencaci keadaaan.
 Dan ketika saya sampai kampus.

“Nir, ga jadi ada kuliah pengganti hari ini.”

Detik itu juga,
Ingin saya bakar almamater itu.

Merasa tak ada pilihan, akhirnya saya pun pulang.
 Dan pembelajaran itu pun dimulai.

Terdapat 2 bocah pengamen tak jauh dari tempat saya duduk.
Mereka berbincang,
Saya pun curi dengar .
Intinya mereka membicarakan temannya yang sering sekali mengeluh. Susah sekali untuk diajak kerja, ngamen maksudnya. Si temennya itu sering sekali mengeluh tentang keadaan. Ya becek lah, ya hujan lah, ya panas lah, ya bga banyak orang ga dengerin lah kalo kereta sepi dan apapun yang akhir nya membuat dia malas untuk berangkat ngamen. Terus saya dengarkan percakapan mereka hingga si dua bocah itu melontarkan kalimat santai namun mengena untuk saya.

”Dia mah gt ga bersyukur, dikasih ujan minta panas, dikasih panas minta ujan. Kudunya mah hadepin aj, ya ga, tong?”
”Iya, dpikir dunia punya dia kali ya? Mau semua nurutin dia, dikata hidup sempurna kali ya buat dia?”
”Hahahahaha, bener tuh. kan kaga ad yang sempurna ya, tong. Seimbang-seimbang ajelah.”


Kalimat terakhir.
Ya, kalimat terakhir itu pelajarannya.

Tak ada yang sempurna, tapi seimbang.

Saya ingat umpatan saya tadi.
Betapa piciknya saya.
Betapa lemahnya saya.
Betapa tidak bijaksananya saya.
Betapa malunya saya kepada 2 bocah pengamen tadi.

Banyak dari kita yang hanya menginginkan semua terjadi seperti apa yang kita inginkan.
Bukan membiarkan semua terjadi semestinya.

Ketika hal datang dan kita tidak menghendakinya,
Lantas kita mengumpat,
Mencaci, bahkan marah pada kehidupan.
Merasa Tuhan tidak adil.

Tidak ada yang sempurna, kawan.

Bukankah ketika saya tidak menginginkan hujan,
Masih ada kawan lain yang sangat membutuhkannya?
Pasti selalu ada alasan baik di tiap keadaan, bahkan dalam keaadan sulit sekalipun.

Itulah seimbang, kawan.

Ketika hal ‘buruk’ datang,
Bukankah lebih baik kita tersenyum?
Mengikhlaskan semua terjadi semestinya
Bersyukur Tuhan masih mau mengingatkan kita

Ketika kita hanya mengharapkan kesempurnaan,
Hanya letih yang akan kita dapatkan.
Karena kita akan terus mencari, mencari, dan mencari.
Seperti sifat dasar,
Manusia tidak akan pernah puas.
Dan biasanya, sikap tak pernah puas itu berujung pada titik tidak bersyukur.

Ketika kita menghendaki keseimbangan hidup,
Maka apapun yang terjadi di hidup kita akan jauh lebih menyenangkan.
Karena kita membiarkan alam bekerja dengan semestinya.
Kita akan jauh lebih ikhlas.
Kita akan lebih lebih tenang, sekalipun kita sudah melakukan kesalahan dan harus memperbaikinya.
Ketika kita ikhlas, hal baik pun akan datang seiring jalan.

Itulah sebabnya, saya lebih setuju dengan ide seimbang daripada sempurna.


Mungkin, saya tidak begitu baik dalam bercerita atau bahkan cerita ini terasa sungguh membosankan dan membingungkan.
Tapi, niat saya hanya berbagi.
Itu saja.

Semoga kita bisa menjadi manusia yang lebih baik dan lebih seimbang

Love In A Fallen City-An Essay

Good Family Is a Nightmare

“It seemed that she was trapped in a nightmare.”

 (Love in a Fallen City: 118)

This quotation is quite tickling since it is taken from a story about a good family who still holds the traditions in its life. It makes us wondering about the impact of being in a good family. Is it really advantageous? Or even is it harmful? Family is the first place or first agent when we learn norms or customs. Family is the primary agent for socializing what is right and wrong in this life. It teaches you the norms and customs to be guidance in this life. It trains you to be more aware of the regulation and obeys it. Generally, when the family grasps the regulations, norms, and customs for each of the members, it makes the family becomes the good role model. People frequently judge as the good family which has the good life since the family attaches to the regulations, norms, customs and so on. However, have we ever realized that kind of family is exceedingly frustrating? Good family does not always means good life.

It is figured in Love in a Fallen City, when the family discusses the future husband of Seven Sister. Engaged marriage, for example, is one of the horror. They pick future husband for Seventh Sister. They consider about the age, the intelligence, the job, the family, and so on. It gives the standard on the member’s life, even a high standard. It also happens in Sealed Off.  “The Wu was a modern, model household, devout, and serious. The family had pushed their daughter to study hard, to climb upward, step by step, right to the very top...” (Sealed Off: 241) When the family likes to interfere the personal business of each member or pushes so hard its member to be what they want to be, they dominate the member’s life. It is extremely demanding, consequently, it might not make them happy.

Good family is sometimes exhausting. It gives you tendency to do the ‘family things first’. “But in this time like these I have to think of their needs too.” (Love in a Fallen City: 117) Setting aside personal matter and concerning more on the family matters is important. it is an honour to serve the family. However, does it make you contented? Occasionally, it is not. Moreover, it can be burdens for some people.

Good family is frustrating. When family tends you to achieve those life standards, whether you like it or not, you have to do so. “I can’t stay here in this house any longer. I’ve known for ages how much they resent me,” (Love in Fallen City:118). To be perfectly excellent in order to keep the good name of the family needs a lot of efforts. When you can not fulfill that, people around will murmur or even consider you as a failure. Moreover, at an extreme point, they will hate you. It is trammeling.

All and all, in a society, a good family is the one which obeys the regulations, norms, and customs. When the family sticks to the right things, it is believed that they will bring happiness in their life. Nevertheless, all of the tendency to reach the standards of life is grating. They have to keep the dignity of the good family by accomplishing the proper life as it is shaped based on the standards. It might be said that even the standards are constructed from the society. Hence, good family is sickening at times since they live for the society, not for themselves. 

Cerita Dari Seteguk Coklat Panas

Saya memiliki cerita yang cukup sederhana

Tapi mampu membuat saya sedikit merenung.

Saya memutuskan untuk pergi ke sebuah mall di kota saya,  bermaksud membeli buku.

Tapi karena buku yang saya maksud tidak ada,

Saya pun berlabuh di sebuah toko donat berlambang merk denagn dominasi warna orange dan coklat

Kebetulan, saya memang ingin coklat panas dan donat berlapis gula itu

Datang. Beli. Minum.

Hal itu yang biasa saya lakukan.

Tapi kali ini, saya tidak langsung menghabiskan si coklat panas dan donat lapis gula itu dengan cepat kilat tanpa belas kasihan.

Karena, yaaa, saya memang  masih punya banyak waktu untuk ‘dibunuh’

Jadi, saya agak sedikit berlama-lama duduk disana.

Seteguk…seteguk…

Segigit…segigit…

Saya menggerakkan badan, mengatur posisi nyaman saya.

Seteguk.. seteguk..

Mata saya memandang ke arah luar,

Ternyata pohon yang berada diluar cukup hijau untuk menyegarkan mata.

Seteguk.. seteguk..

Dan segigit..

Dan saya mulai berpikir, “Ko, coklat ini lebih enak dari biasanya ya?”

Terus saya meminum seteguk demi seteguk dan tetap melihat suasana sekitar saya.

Seteguk.. seteguk..

Segigit..

Saya meletakkan coklat panas saya di atas meja.

Lalu saya memejamkan mata.

Terasa di lidah, manis yang menyebar rata..

Aroma coklat yang memenuhi saluran pernafasan saya

Dan gurihnya rasa mentega..

Saya menghela nafas, “Sungguh nikmat coklat ini.”

Akhirnya saya membuka mata,

Setelah saya membuka mata,

Saya pun tersenyum..

“Enjoy slowly.. This hot beverage is all yours..”

Itu tulisan yang terdapat di permukaan gelas colat panas yang saya minum.

Lucu sekali.

Setelah sekian lama dan sekian banyak meminum coklat panas yang sama,

Saya baru mengerti pesan yang disampaikan si coklat panas.

Memang arti harafiahnya “Nikmatilah perlahan.. Minuman panas ini sepenuhnya milikmu..”

Pesan itu sengaja disampaikan agar si pembeli bisa meminum coklat itu perlahan.

Karena memang, coklat itu cukup panas untuk diminum segera.

Tapi, saya juga menangkap lain isi pesan itu.

“Enjoy slowly… This hot beverage is all yours..”

Merupakan sindiran unik bagi saya.

Banyak dari waktu yang saya lalui segera..secepat mungkin..

Karena saya mematok banyak target hidup yang harus saya achieve.

Terus..terus..mengejar ‘sesuatu’, seperti cara yang biasa saya gunakan untuk menghabiskan coklat panas itu

Setelah habis,

Saya lupa nikmat rasa coklat itu..

Berbeda sekali dengan apa yang saya rasakan sekarang.

Coklat panas itu terasa lebih nikmat..

Dan saya baru ingat, hal yang sering luput dari carahidup atau gaya meminum coklat saya,

Jeda.

Terlalu sibuk saya dengan target dan ambisi saya.

Hingga saya melupakan tubuh saya pun berhak bersenang-senang.

Terkadang hingga saya lupa betapa indah hidup ini, bahkan dari hal-hal sederhana.

Betapa sejuk pemandangan di luar

Betapa manis cara ibu anak tadi berkomunikasi

Betapa manis kenangan hidup saya

Betapa baik keluarga, teman, dan kerabat saya

Betapa menyenangkannya menjadi saya

Betapa beruntungnya saya

Ya, benar. Saya lupa akan itu, Kawan.

Itu sebabnya saya sering merasa tak puas diri, terkadang justru merasa selalu ada yang salah, dan berujung pada rasa penat akan hidup sendiri.

Bukan bermaksud untuk hidup lambat lantas tidak memiliki tujuan dan target pencapaian.

Tapi, semata mata mengingatkan kita akan tombol ‘pause’ dalam hidup kita.

“Enjoy slowly...”

Karena,

Dengan jeda, kita lebih bisa menenangkan diri sendiri.

Menghela nafas sejenak.

Melihat dengan jelas keadaan sekitar.

“This hot beverage is all yours..”

Walaupun hidup tidak mudah,

Tapi hidup ini sesungguhnya tetap milik kita..

Kita berhak menentukan bagaimana cara kita menjalani hidup.

Kita berhak  beristirahat sejenak di tengah padatnya keadaan.

Kita berhak menepuk pundak kita, memberikan apresiasi kepada diri sendiri.

Kita berhak berbahagia atas apa saja yang terjadi dalam hidup ini.

Baru kemudian,

Merencanakan perjalanan hidup dengan diri yang jauh lebih bahagia, tenang, dan siap.

Itulah, Kawan, cerita dari seteguk coklat panas.

Semoga sedikit memberi pemahaman. J

Selamat Pagi

Pagi ini pagi yang sama
Pagi ketika bangun dengan mata terbuka dan hembusan nafas sadar pertama
dan juga dengan perih yang sama

Selamat pagi, Dunia

Tak mengapa ku menyapa dengan gelintir pedih di dada
Terselipkan nyeri menusuk tiap hela
Mengalir kegetiran seakan di darah

Lara adalah bimbing semesta
Menuju dewasa dalam makna harmonisasi jiwa
Saat pedih itu berbuah tangis, tak tahu kapan,
sesungguhnya akan datang manis


Biarkan tiap hela mengalirkan ketenangan
Walau degup pilu menyerta di tiapnya
Biarkan jiwa merasa
Lantas sendu ini menjadi biasa

Selamat pagi, Dunia


Pagi ini hanya percaya

Insan ini sedang berjuang
Insan ini sedang belajar

Luka adalah lumrah

This What We Called "JLEB" In Indonesia

This day was kinda super for me.

Again and again, more lesson. As I’ve ever tweeted before, “Kembali lagi. Pelajaran lagi.”

Hahaha, God always has ways to remind His men. This several months have been hard time for me. “Exam Month,” if I could say. Yeah, it was like some sob, some moan, and blah blah—yeah, forget it. Short, God gives me His sign, in order to make me remind about this good life. It’s like my remedy to this sort-of-miserable-and-devastating problem. Ha!

So, today I had a meeting for a volunteering thing in my campus, we had some discussions, chats and jokes. And theeeereeeeeeeeee they go the lesson.

There were some “unintentional-simIple-preach” which I took it as a quote :p

“Idup tuh emang gini, Nir. Sedih, terus seneng, terus sedih lagi, terus seneng lagi, terus sedih, eeeh seneng lagi. Pasti gitu, Nir. Itu tanda nya lo idup.”-- Dhania, one of my friends who had the same bad experience like me.

“Idup itu kayaaa—apatuh namanya—alat detak jantung yang naik turun itu, selama masih naik turun grafiknya, pasti orangnya masih idup. Kalo datar tandanya mati”—Rahardian, the coolest guy I’ve ever known. Literally. Hahahaha

Well, in Indonesia we call it ”JLEB” hahaha

So yeah, then bang, those hit me—until now.

They reminded me that life is life, that’s the process. You can’t avoid that. Hence, it made me think, I had to feel the pain, enjoy the process, and earn the lesson from that.

Pain is pain, when it comes the pleasance

And it works the other way around.

Here it is, the life

The thing that is somehow questionable

The things that presents you the twinges and the contentment

The thing that gives you a lot of lessons

I won’t exaggerate my self, like I force my self to be that “positive thinking person” haha, I’m not that person, fellas.

It’s just, because of those rambling speech, I believe. Again, that life is the way it is. And truth to be told, it's sorta relieving, actually.

Up and down, rise and drown.

It is just the matter of time,

Just wait, be calm, enjoy each step.

It will be worth something J

There, there, my self, be strong

Life is too splendid only for weep

“I know every mile, will be worth my while”—Go The Distance, Michael Bolton

Filosofi Teh Poci

Kawan, pernahkah kau mnecicipi Teh Poci asli Tegal?

teh ini agak unik karena penyajiaanya seperti teh dengan gula batu di dalam gelasnya.
ya, di dalam gelasnya langsung.
bukan dari pocinya.

apa efeknya?

efek yang paling kentara adalah
teh akan terasa pahit, sepat, dan panas pada awalnya.
karena gula batu yang ada pada gelas belum larut sepenuhnya.
tapi, lama kelamaan, teh berubah manis dan segar seiring jalannya waktu.

mungkin ini filosofi yang sejalan,
bersusah-susah dahulu..
bersenang-senang kemudian.

dan jika kita perhatikan lagi,
tiap unsur dari teh poci mengandung filosofi hidup tertentu.

Gula Batu.
manis, bisa melambangkan kesenangan, impian, dan obsesi hidup.

Teh dalam Poci
pahit, sepet, dan panas, melambangkan kesulitan dan cobaan hidup.

kalau kita ingin manis (seluruh kesenangan), apakah kita bisa langsung memakan (hanya) gulabatu?

jika kita lakukan itu, niscaya gigi kita akan remuk seketika.
gula batu juga perlu diseduh dengan teh pahit nan panas agar bisa dinikmati dengan layak, bukan?

Begitu pula dengan “kesenangan hidup.”

kita akan lebih bisa menikmati nikmat yang kita punya (gula) saat kita pernah “diseduh” denagn panasnya hidup dan pahitnya keadaan (Teh Poci).

dan kita harus tahu,
Teh Poci tidak bisa langsung diminum langsung setelah diseduh..
kau tahu bagaimana rasa melepuh akan memenuhi lapisan kulitmu.

Begitu pula dengan “kebijaksanaan hidup.”

dia perlu waktu untuk terbentuk sempurna.
dia perlu manis dan pahitnya kehidupan,
ditambah waktu tepat untuk membentuk..

Terkadang, banyak orang berkata bahkan mengeluh
“Betapa sengsaranya hidup..”

Ingatlah, Kawan, Filosofi Poci..
Teh ini akan terasa sangat segar bila diminum pada waktunya.

Semua butuh waktu untuk terbentuk sempurna.

Rasakan prosesnya, wahai Kawan.
dan tunggu saat kau rasakan nikmatnya kehidupan.

Jangan kau kira hidup ini sengsara, Kawan.
Kau tahu?

“sengsara” adalah hidup selalu menuntut bahagia.